Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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