I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
