How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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