my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
