i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
