Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
