i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
