I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
