I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
