I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
