Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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