There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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