i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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