My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
