Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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