then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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