I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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