"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
