why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
