just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
