He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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