Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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