I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
