turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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