come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
