she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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