Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
