I feel like I'm in dance class right now
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
