DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
