I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
