Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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