i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
