I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
