Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
