weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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