So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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