i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
