Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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