it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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