they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
