somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
