dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sext me about skeletons
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
