I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Houston, we have a squirter
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
