So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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