Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
