Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
