i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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