Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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