now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
