between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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