Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you will always have a special place in my vag
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
