I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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