I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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