I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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