I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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