saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
