we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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