He kissed a someone with a penis
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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